Masking

If you’re the parent of an autistic or ADHD child, you may have heard the term “masking”. Masking can play a large part in many neurodivergent children’s lives, and understanding it can help you support your child’s wellbeing and self-esteem.

What is masking

Masking is when a child consciously or unconsciously hides their natural behaviours, feelings, or traits in order to fit in with those around them. For some children, this might mean copying other children’s social interactions, forcing themselves to make eye contact, or suppressing stimming. For other children, masking could involve sitting still even when they feel restless, or working extra hard to appear attentive and organised.

Children often mask at school or in public, then “let it all out” at home, where they feel safer. This can be confusing for parents and teachers, as a child may seem to cope well in one environment but struggle in another.

Why do children mask?

There are several reasons why a child might mask:

To fit in: A lot of children naturally want to be accepted by their peers and adults.
To avoid negative attention: Masking can help them avoid being told off, bullied, or singled out.
To meet expectations: Children are often aware of what is expected of them and may try to meet these standards, even if it’s exhausting.

The impact of masking

While masking might help children avoid unwanted attention, it can have negative consequences:

Emotional exhaustion: Constantly monitoring and adjusting behaviour is tiring and can lead to meltdowns or shutdowns once the child is in their safe space.
Anxiety and stress: The pressure to conform can increase anxiety levels.
Low self-esteem: Hiding their true selves can make children feel as though they are not good enough as they are.
Delayed support: Masking can make it harder for adults to recognise a child’s needs, which may delay diagnosis or appropriate help.

You may notice your child is “well-behaved” at school but has emotional meltdowns or seems withdrawn at home. This is often because they have been masking all day and are finally able to relax.

How can you help?

Create a Safe Space at Home
Let your child know they are accepted and loved exactly as they are. Encourage them to express themselves freely at home, whether that’s through stimming, talking about their interests, or having quiet time.
Talk Openly About Differences
Discuss neurodiversity in a positive way. Help your child understand that everyone is different, and those differences are something to be proud of.
Work with Schools and Professionals
Share your knowledge of masking with teachers and support staff. Make sure they understand that your child may be working very hard to fit in and may need time to decompress.
Encourage Self-Advocacy
Help your child learn to recognise and communicate their needs. Practise together how to ask for breaks or explain what helps them feel comfortable.
Prioritise Wellbeing Over Fitting In
Remind your child that their happiness and health are more important than conforming to others’ expectations.

If your child seems persistently anxious, exhausted, or unhappy, or if you’re struggling to support them, consider seeking advice from professionals who understand autism or ADHD. Early support can make a big difference to your child’s wellbeing.

Masking is a complex and often exhausting part of life for many autistic and ADHD children. By understanding what masking is and creating an environment where your child feels safe to be themselves, you can help them grow up feeling accepted, valued, and confident in who they are.