Teen friendships

Building and maintaining friendships can be a challenge for all teenagers, but for those with ADHD and autism, socialising often comes with extra layers of anxiety and difficulty. As a parent, it can feel overwhelming to know how best to help. We hope to offer some guidance and tips on supporting your teen.

Understanding the challenges

Anxiety and Overwhelm
Many neurodivergent teens experience sensory overload or social anxiety in busy environments (cafés, youth clubs, busy parks). Loud noises, unpredictable chatter and unstructured social situations can trigger stress, making it hard for them to approach or join in with peers. Anxiety may prevent a teen from approaching other people, or make them worry after they’ve interacted with others.

Masking and Exhaustion
Masking, “camouflaging” natural behaviours to fit in can leave teens feeling mentally and emotionally drained. While it may help them blend in temporarily, long-term masking contributes to burnout and can affect self-confidence.

Social Mimicking vs. Authentic Connection
Learning social scripts and copying others’ behaviours can help “get by,” but doesn’t foster genuine rapport. Teens need opportunities to develop their own social style rather than just copying others’ mannerisms.

Navigating Cliques and Group Dynamics
Teen social groups often revolve around unspoken rules, inside jokes and shared interests. For a young person who struggles to read subtle social cues, negotiating these unwritten norms can feel like decoding a secret language.

Be aware that whilst social groups specific to neurodivergence are brilliant, the only thing the young people may have in common is their neurodivergence. Some young people may feel like the spot light is on their neurodivergence too much in these spaces.

Supporting your teen

Prepare for social scenarios

Set aside gentle, low-pressure time to act out typical social situations with your teen. You can offer suggestions and talk around the situations, or use a script to practice. You can try preparing to meet someone new, join a group of people or exiting a conversation politely. Encourage them to use their own words and body language, validate how they want to express themselves. Celebrate each small success.

Build a “Friendship Toolkit”

Together, create a visual guide your teen can keep on their phone or in their bag:

Ice-breaker questions or favourite discussion topics.
Notes on social norms. Asking before hugging someone or how to decline physical contact, reminders that it’s ok to not look someone in the eye but try facing your body towards them, etc.
“Exit strategies”—polite phrases to leave a group when feeling overwhelmed.

Remind them it’s ok to refer to this if they need to.

Mindfulness and Anxiety-Management

Show your young person short breathing exercises or grounding techniques they can use before or during social events. For example:

The “5-4-3-2-1” sensory technique. This involves finding 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 that you can smell and 1 thing that you can taste. This is used as a grounding technique.
Box breathing- inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four.

It can be helpful to talk with your teen about when to use these techniques, or what they might feel in their body and mind if they need to use one.

Celebrate neurodivergent strengths

Highlight qualities like loyalty, deep focus on shared interests and creative thinking. Encourage your teen to view their differences as unique assets in forming meaningful friendships.

Support developing personal boundaries

Your teen needs to figure out what they are comfortable with and where their boundaries lie. They may copy you or their peers and need support for figure out what they personally need. Support your teen in learning how to say no and how to accept a no from someone else.

They may want to consider:

What forms of physical touch they are comfortable with?
If they want to tell people about their autism or ADHD
How close they are comfortable being with people?
Whether they’re comfortable with eye contact
What forms of communication they prefer?
How long they want interactions to last and how they want to exit?
Identifying their safe people and places.

It’s important to remind your teen that everyone’s boundaries can change.

Tips for parents and carers

Stay curious, not critical: Be there if your teen wants to talk, remind them you respect if they don’t. Listen actively and validate their feelings, even if you don’t understand them. Give time and space for them to process things. If they open up about a topic, try asking them if they just want you to listen or offer advice.

Model friendship skills: Let them observe you making plans, checking in with friends or setting boundaries with tact and warmth. Talk about scenarios you’ve had in your own friendships and how you dealt with them.

Practice at home: Regular family game nights, movie evenings or shared creative projects normalise social interaction and build confidence. They can also offer great space to talk about what’s going on in your teen’s world.

Seek professional support when needed: Therapists specialising in social skills or neurodivergence-affirming counsellors can offer targeted support or group sessions that can help your teen.

Supporting your teen in forging and maintaining friendships is a journey that combines patience, understanding and practical action. By creating structured opportunities, and equipping them with tools to navigate social scenarios, you’re helping them build authentic relationships. Every small step, whether a shared joke, a successful hangout or an honest conversation brings them closer to the meaningful connections they deserve.